I’d like to make it clear that when I said in this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jg6166asgx0
it’s about finding the confidence and having the self-esteem and self-respect to say no, I in no way meant to imply that it is a victims fault for not saying no. If you have been abused it is your…
But I think what we were all saying is that: A physical no is a no. A verbal no is a no. Anything that is not a yes is a no. Often it has nothing to do with whether or not you have self respect or confidence in the day to day, when you’re sexually assaulted or you’re in a situation with a messed up power structure you don’t have the ability to say no. It’s not a measure for how much respect you have. It’s a measure of how much someone is taking advantage of you.
This isn’t an attack. This is just one of many weird subtleties with language and how what we do say is also saying seventeen other things at the same time. It’s the way language works. Yes, someone might interpret it differently from how you intended — that’s just a side effect of only being able to live in your own brain — but clarity of language is important.
'For everyone to say a clear and firm NO to anything they don’t want to do, regardless of how the other person is making them feel because it’s SO important that you speak out and say no before it’s too late. Your body language may be speaking for you but to be 100% explicit, speak out. Don’t leave room for interpretation. BEFORE you even have the chance to become a victim.'
This is the thing: as well-intended as these words are (as I’ve stated, feeling empowered to say ‘no’ is a sentiment I can 100% get behind in and of itself), the onus shouldn’t be on the person feeling unsure to not ‘leave room for interpretation’.
There needs to be a massive, societal paradigm shift away from this way of thinking. People shouldn’t have to loudly proclaim ‘no’; it should be an assumed ‘no’ UNLESS an enthusiastic ‘yes’ is made very clear (and no, a ‘yes’ under duress is not enthusiastic consent).
I will also acknowledge that Carrie has publicly apologised for the statement in the video, in case anyone missed it.